I am who I am because of who raised me. My parents have done something I can only hope to accomplish a part of. They have been married for 45 years. But it's not about being married for 45 years that's the story, it's the fact that they've been best friends for 45 years....at least that is the impression I have. As I lie here in bed with my boy out of town, I realize how important it is to share your life with someone you consider to be your best friend. For the past 5 days I've been wandering around aimlessly looking for my proverbial left arm because he's out of town.
I remember when I was little....my mom would be in her bathroom combing her hair and putting on some lipstick. Us kids would say 'mom, where you going?' She would reply with, 'no where, you dad's coming home' . And you know what......my dad always came home....Because he liked to, and my mom liked him to.
Very cool. And I am very thankful that in my later years I have been lucky enough to have found the same thing in my partner as my my mom found in hers so many years ago.
And I hope all of my children get to experience what I have been lucky enough to experience.
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Your Daughter will Never Walk Again
It's hard to believe that 3 years ago today I was told that my daughter would never walk again.
In the beginning that phrase echoed in my head for months and months, over and over. Now, 3 years later, I never think of it at all.It's not about what she can't do anymore, but more about what she can do.
She works, goes to school, goes camping, boating, to Vegas....just because your legs don't work anymore doesn't mean you can't LIVE. I may not have believed or felt that 3 years ago but it's clear as a bell now.
Someone once said to me, "What God would do that to a young girl". My response was, "Thank God he let my daughter stay with me."
In the beginning that phrase echoed in my head for months and months, over and over. Now, 3 years later, I never think of it at all.It's not about what she can't do anymore, but more about what she can do.
She works, goes to school, goes camping, boating, to Vegas....just because your legs don't work anymore doesn't mean you can't LIVE. I may not have believed or felt that 3 years ago but it's clear as a bell now.
Someone once said to me, "What God would do that to a young girl". My response was, "Thank God he let my daughter stay with me."
Thursday, May 10, 2012
The baby
It amazes me that so little time has passed, yet it seems like a lifetime ago. One day it's complete chaos and unknown and the next it's " Hi hon, how was your day, mommy loves you'.
It's sureal.
Life has continued for all of us, we've learned, changed, adapted, changed - did I say that already? One day fighting for her life and the next day her and her sis flying out to see mom for Christmas. OK, well not so much 'one day to the next' but sometimes it feels like it.
It's a warm evening and I'm sitting on my deck planning the girls visit for a week in July. Not only are they coming to see mom for a week but they're going to hang out at an outdoor concert for a few days on their way home!! My two beautiful girls....
I can't even imagine what my baby went through (and still does to some extent) during all of this. She is such a vivacious, bright, funny, witty girl. Her older brother has had a lot of attention because from time to time he can be a disaster and now her older sister has this happen to her. My baby girl has been a joy to raise (not saying the others weren't) but she has made good choices, gone on to further education, works three jobs sometimes and yet everyone else gets all the attention.
She deserves more attention, and praise, for being the strong willed, independent, tenderhearted daughter and sister that she is. I wish I had a sister like her. Hug you when you need it, listen when you have shit to say, and tell you you're full of shit when you are, but at the end of the day loves you more than anything.
To my baby girls, Mommy loves you.
It's sureal.
Life has continued for all of us, we've learned, changed, adapted, changed - did I say that already? One day fighting for her life and the next day her and her sis flying out to see mom for Christmas. OK, well not so much 'one day to the next' but sometimes it feels like it.
It's a warm evening and I'm sitting on my deck planning the girls visit for a week in July. Not only are they coming to see mom for a week but they're going to hang out at an outdoor concert for a few days on their way home!! My two beautiful girls....
I can't even imagine what my baby went through (and still does to some extent) during all of this. She is such a vivacious, bright, funny, witty girl. Her older brother has had a lot of attention because from time to time he can be a disaster and now her older sister has this happen to her. My baby girl has been a joy to raise (not saying the others weren't) but she has made good choices, gone on to further education, works three jobs sometimes and yet everyone else gets all the attention.
She deserves more attention, and praise, for being the strong willed, independent, tenderhearted daughter and sister that she is. I wish I had a sister like her. Hug you when you need it, listen when you have shit to say, and tell you you're full of shit when you are, but at the end of the day loves you more than anything.
To my baby girls, Mommy loves you.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
The importance of Joe, Jim and Molly
Before I start I want to be clear that the list of important people is long, very long but this post is about a special 3 and 2 of them were a part of my every day life for 8 months.
I was living in Victoria at the time of the accident, and I had a spouse until the day he put me on a plane by myself with no money and no access to any. I felt like I was being sent into the lions den to fight a bunch of lions with no support. My mom and I were always at odds over something or another and I was sure she was going to find a way to blame me, my daughters father and I barely spoke in the 18 years we'd been divorced, my sister - well I'm sure you read how she delivered the news to me, and I was scared. I didn't know how I was going to survive, eat, where I was going to sleep, I didn't have my vehicle, I was confused, and sad, and angry and scared beyond belief.....thankfully the boys and Miss Molly saved me.
It's no secret that I've know Joe for about 10 years. Over the years I had met his very good friend Jim 3....maybe 4 times. What I knew about Jim was that he was a red-neck type, golf nut, beer drinking, tough guy, tender engough to raise his daughter all by himself. I guess it would have been the day after I arrived in Edmonton that I got a call from Jim. He lives in Edmonton but happened to be in Kelowna golfing with Joe. First, he let me talk to Joe for a long time, and then he got back on the phone and said 'You will stay with me and Molly. My neighbour has a spare key, here's the address, I'll be home in a week, make yourself comfortable, and no - don't argue, the house is only 10 minutes from the hospital.' That was literally the END of the conversation.
So that's how Jim and I became roommates and quite frankly, a family of sorts. I hadn't seen Molly since she was about 5 (she was 14 at this point) and I'd only met her once for one evening but we bonded instantly. I lived with them for all those months and he never charged me a bit of rent, argued when I bought some groceries, cooked me meals, made me laugh and took care of me for a long time. He said he did it becuase if Joe loved me, he did too. I will love Jim to pieces for ever. Looking back at the state I was in I honestly don't know what I would have done or where I would be today if it hadn't been for Jim. I owe him more that I could ever find ways to repay. (Although he says if I come back and teach Molly to drive we'll be even;) The best part is my daughters very first outing from the rehab hospital was to Jim's for dinner. It was a blast and a story I'll tell another time.
I was living in Victoria at the time of the accident, and I had a spouse until the day he put me on a plane by myself with no money and no access to any. I felt like I was being sent into the lions den to fight a bunch of lions with no support. My mom and I were always at odds over something or another and I was sure she was going to find a way to blame me, my daughters father and I barely spoke in the 18 years we'd been divorced, my sister - well I'm sure you read how she delivered the news to me, and I was scared. I didn't know how I was going to survive, eat, where I was going to sleep, I didn't have my vehicle, I was confused, and sad, and angry and scared beyond belief.....thankfully the boys and Miss Molly saved me.
It's no secret that I've know Joe for about 10 years. Over the years I had met his very good friend Jim 3....maybe 4 times. What I knew about Jim was that he was a red-neck type, golf nut, beer drinking, tough guy, tender engough to raise his daughter all by himself. I guess it would have been the day after I arrived in Edmonton that I got a call from Jim. He lives in Edmonton but happened to be in Kelowna golfing with Joe. First, he let me talk to Joe for a long time, and then he got back on the phone and said 'You will stay with me and Molly. My neighbour has a spare key, here's the address, I'll be home in a week, make yourself comfortable, and no - don't argue, the house is only 10 minutes from the hospital.' That was literally the END of the conversation.
So that's how Jim and I became roommates and quite frankly, a family of sorts. I hadn't seen Molly since she was about 5 (she was 14 at this point) and I'd only met her once for one evening but we bonded instantly. I lived with them for all those months and he never charged me a bit of rent, argued when I bought some groceries, cooked me meals, made me laugh and took care of me for a long time. He said he did it becuase if Joe loved me, he did too. I will love Jim to pieces for ever. Looking back at the state I was in I honestly don't know what I would have done or where I would be today if it hadn't been for Jim. I owe him more that I could ever find ways to repay. (Although he says if I come back and teach Molly to drive we'll be even;) The best part is my daughters very first outing from the rehab hospital was to Jim's for dinner. It was a blast and a story I'll tell another time.
Monday, January 9, 2012
2 years later
It's been 2 years since I've looked at this and almost forgot about it but in case someone should come across it I should update it and let you know where we are today.
This past Christmas, 2 years and 2 months since the accident my 2 daughters, one of whom is now what they call and incomplete quadriplegic, flew from Alberta to BC to spend Christmas with us. Me, Joe and his two boys. Other than my son being unable to make it it was the perfect Christmas. One that I have enjoyed more than any other in many, many years.
As for what really happened the night of the accident, only my daughter knows and a few of the friends that were with her but she has yet to speak about it with me. All I really know is they were at a party and a truck drug her down a gravel driveway. Maybe she doesn't really remember and maybe a big part of it is the legal side, I don't know but I'm sure she'll tell me when she's ready.
She broke her neck and her back which required 2 surgeries. The first one - her neck - they went in from the front, took out the disc that was causing the pressure and replaced it with a piece of bone from her hip. Apparently it will fuse and act somewhat like the disc. They put a little titanium in there sewed her up and flipped her over. The second surgery for the broken back required a titanium rod being inserted down her spine. Miraculously, she was sitting fairly upright the next day. Amazing really. Not like years ago when you were strapped to a board for months and months before even being able to start rehab. She was a fighter and a trouper through the whole thing. She is very lucky that she does not require a breathing tube but she simply refused to keep it in, she was going to breath on her own!
An incomplete quad means that she does have the use of her arms but one had doesn't work all too well and the other one she can open and close but not squeeze. The upper paralysis is on the inside, she doesn't cough well, throwing up is something she had to learn to do, and the muscles in her abdomen/chest don't work - however - she lives independently with some nurse help when required. She is taking finance in college and lives a pretty full life. Her and her 21 year old sister have become the best of friends. They live in the same building. She is strong and healthy and beautiful. All of my children are.
Next time I'll tell the story of the bikini wax in the hospital. And her first night out of the hospital at Jim's house. Believe it or not there are some entertaining stories in the mix of the tragic ones. We've come a long way.
This past Christmas, 2 years and 2 months since the accident my 2 daughters, one of whom is now what they call and incomplete quadriplegic, flew from Alberta to BC to spend Christmas with us. Me, Joe and his two boys. Other than my son being unable to make it it was the perfect Christmas. One that I have enjoyed more than any other in many, many years.
As for what really happened the night of the accident, only my daughter knows and a few of the friends that were with her but she has yet to speak about it with me. All I really know is they were at a party and a truck drug her down a gravel driveway. Maybe she doesn't really remember and maybe a big part of it is the legal side, I don't know but I'm sure she'll tell me when she's ready.
She broke her neck and her back which required 2 surgeries. The first one - her neck - they went in from the front, took out the disc that was causing the pressure and replaced it with a piece of bone from her hip. Apparently it will fuse and act somewhat like the disc. They put a little titanium in there sewed her up and flipped her over. The second surgery for the broken back required a titanium rod being inserted down her spine. Miraculously, she was sitting fairly upright the next day. Amazing really. Not like years ago when you were strapped to a board for months and months before even being able to start rehab. She was a fighter and a trouper through the whole thing. She is very lucky that she does not require a breathing tube but she simply refused to keep it in, she was going to breath on her own!
An incomplete quad means that she does have the use of her arms but one had doesn't work all too well and the other one she can open and close but not squeeze. The upper paralysis is on the inside, she doesn't cough well, throwing up is something she had to learn to do, and the muscles in her abdomen/chest don't work - however - she lives independently with some nurse help when required. She is taking finance in college and lives a pretty full life. Her and her 21 year old sister have become the best of friends. They live in the same building. She is strong and healthy and beautiful. All of my children are.
Next time I'll tell the story of the bikini wax in the hospital. And her first night out of the hospital at Jim's house. Believe it or not there are some entertaining stories in the mix of the tragic ones. We've come a long way.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)